Advice: The Pigly Pooch

  • Advice

Dear Galoot,

I am in quarantine! How can I keep myself from becoming as boring as the life I must live?

-Quinten the Quarantined

Dear Mr. Quarantined,

You have come to the right place! You have a few options, actually! Step one: Take our quiz here to see if you are being interesting enough already possibly. If not, you can begin by perhaps reading this article for for some ideas on how to have fun with anything. Finally, make sure you keep up with those disco bops, man! Nothing keeps me living the good life like putting on some grooves and just shaking my hips like nature made them for. You can start with “Celebration” by Kool and the Gang to celebrate that new life you’re startin’!


(From comments on The Handsome Hog)

I wish I was a handsome hog. Lately, I feel like more of a pigly pooch. with fries. help.

Good Anonymous Sir,

One immediate way to bolster your handsomeness is to learn how to smolder right here! Once you have that down, you can work on your poochiness by reaffirming what you are to yourself in the mirror. Say “A man a man a man a man a man a man” really fast until you start saying “manna manna manna” and then you will also have the solution to your fries problem!


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