This Christmas my gift to you is the 12 Dashing Galoot articles of Christmas – one every day until the big day itself. Check the site every morning to be the first to read these semi-Christmas-themed pieces of nonsense!
I’ve tried sleeping on the floor a couple times. The first time I was so exhausted I fell asleep on a tiled floor with no pillows. The second time was fine, too, so I thought a couple months ago I might make a habit of it. It would be rather convenient to be able to sleep on any hard surface at any time, I thought.
Well, I couldn’t fall asleep. Call me a quitter, but I went into my bed and never looked back. Until now.
Jesus slept in a manger for his first night on earth. It turned out pretty well for him, too. He was surrounded by friendly animals, he had straw to exfoliate his skin, and visitors had easy access to see the young celeb.
If it worked so well for him, maybe it could be great for Dashing Galoots too! In fact, for those very reasons I suggest you line your floor with straw and try sleeping on it for a few nights. If you like it, you could save thousands in mattresses over your life time as well.
Cure for Loneliness
Your typical nighttime visitors are mites and bedbugs when you sleep on a mattress. I don’t know about you, but mites and bedbugs have never been particularly friendly to me. However, judging by the plethora of nativity scenes on people’s lawns, Jesus really buddied up with the cows and goats lurking near the manger. Cows are far friendlier than mites – they give us ice cream.
Thus, sleeping in a manger-like situation could make you less lonely! Who knows what sort of animal friends you will attract when you move out of your bed? Bonus points if you sleep outside in the open air!
Great Skin!
Everyone knows that exfoliating is crucial for having great skin. Does your soft bed exfoliate your skin? Does your soft bedding clear away all that dead, gunky skin? Dubious.
Instead of spending $17.97 for a Super Exfoliating Straw Sponge, you can sleep on straw! This will save you precious time, since you will exfoliate as you sleep. The straw you’re lying on will cleanse your pores and allow your skin to be rosy and pure. Great skin starts with sleeping in a manger.
Guaranteed* Visitors
*to come at some point in the next 24 years
If Jesus hadn’t been sleeping in a manger, the shepherds likely would have felt much more uncomfortable barging in and spying on him. It’s pretty creepy to stare at someone sleeping in a bed. In a manger, though, it’s chill.
While I’m not saying people will be ogling you as you sleep, you’ll probably get more visitors. People will want to check out your legendary straw bed once they see your great skin and hear about you from your animal friends. Once they visit, they’ll be sure to spread how dashing you are to all of your surrounding villages. You could probably become an influencer and sell straw beds on social media (but before you do that, see how social media is really done by following yours truly).
If you’re still not convinced – maybe you think it’s uncomfortable or some other ridiculous thing – think of this. If you don’t sleep well, you’ll at least catch Santa when he comes down your chimney to ogle you while you sleep.
