This Christmas my gift to you is the 12 Dashing Galoot articles of Christmas – one every day until the big day itself. Check the site every morning to be the first to read these semi-Christmas-themed pieces of nonsense!
A few weeks ago, I decided to make some chocolate chip cookies. It was slightly disastrous (on par with the Hindenburg but not quite as bad as Hurricane Katrina). I forgot to mix the sugar in with the butter and it was very hard to mix and although I thought it turned out all right my roommates made sure to shame me adequately. It was traumatic.
Anyhow, I was left with a double batch of cookies, around 40, and someone had to eat them. I got to work, putting down about 3-4 every day, but I felt rather guilty after each time. But they had to be eaten, right?
Eventually, I finished them. Now they are all residing in my lower abdomen, I imagine. But it’s Christmas season; cookies are unavoidable! I went to a cookie party and ate at least eight, and more are sure to come. Call me gluttonous, and you might be right, but those cookies had to be eaten!
How many cookies are too many? This is a difficult question to answer. Some believe one is too many, but that’s just sad. The cookies would all rot away then, and no one would like that.
Maybe five, then? Five is a solid amount. It’s enough to feed you and two baby walruses. But what if you have three?
Seven might be a more tolerable number. Then you can eat one a day for a month. Once you’ve eaten your cookie for the day, you can loosen your belt, stick out your stomach and burp. All in a day’s work.
But what if there’s multiple varieties of cookies to try? One had better make allowances for cookie platters! You have to try every kind. So perhaps 12 is a better number.
But once you’ve tried every cookie, some are obviously going to be better than others. You’ll have to go back for more of the really good ones. That brings us up to 50 cookies.
And what if you decide to spread some Christmas spirit by baking cookies yourself? You’re going to have to taste test a couple of those so you know that they’re acceptable. Now you’ve eaten around 100 cookies!
And Santa is going to need a little help, right? That old man already has a hard enough time squeezing through chimneys – if he eats cookies at a billion more houses, the kids at the end will get their presents tossed down the chimney instead! You’ll have to help avert that disaster, at least in your neighborhood. Break into a few houses and bring that total up to 800 cookies.
At this point, the first cookies are wearing off, and you’ll be getting hungry. Going back home for a snack should bring you up to 1000 cookies. Anything more than that would be excessive, though.
So anything up to 1000 cookies is not too much. In fact, for health reasons, I’d recommend trying to get close to 1K so you don’t miss your daily calorie recommendation. It’ll set you up well for New Year’s Resolutions.
Start eating! And comment your current cookie count down below >>