It’s that time of year again. Birds are chirping, the sun is shining, and, of course, fair-skinned folks are getting sunburned. Even with ostentatious amounts of sunscreen, some of us just can’t help acquiring a red tint on our faces. For some, sunburn is inevitable.
Almost as predictable as the sunburn are the annoying comments that follow. People point to the burn and creatively say, “You got a little burned!” They then chuckle and pat themselves on the back because they are so funny.
This then leaves the sunburnt person in a pickle. What do they say back? “Yeah, I guess I am,” or do they just laugh along? It is an awkward situation. To help prevent this from happening to you, I’ve created a list of things to say instead of, “You got a little burnt.” To be extra helpful I’ve ordered them from most to least likely to help you stay friends with the sunburnt person.
1) “You’re full of sunshine today”
Not only might this one make your friend beam, they might not even realize you are calling them sunburnt. Although it might beat around the bush a bit, it’ll help you keep your friends around. You might follow it up by mentioning how rosy their cheeks are or how warm their smile is.
2) “You look very a-peel-ing”
The strength of this comment depends on how much you emphasize the “peel” in this one. If you’re subtle enough, they might think it’s only an attempt at flattery. Like good cheese and wine, this one gets better as the sunburn ages and the skin starts to flake off.
If they complain, after all, you can say you just felt compeelled to do it.
3) “Aloe there!”
This one gets funnier the more often you say it. If you see your sunburnt friend 5-6 times in a day and greet them every time with, “Aloe, friend!” or “Aloe there!” it will be extremely comical.
They might think it gets old fast, but don’t let that stop you. If necessary, you can soothe them by actually providing aloe.
4) “Are you allergic to the sun?”
Your friend will possibly be confused by this, at which point you will have to explain yourself. However, they might find it funny. In that case you would be a good friend and a very funny person.
5) Workout, slap their back, and say, “Can you feel the burn?”
This takes a specific situation and some planning. You must organize a workout with your friend once you know they’ve been sunburned, and then you literally rub it in.
Then, right as they’re finishing a heavy lift or staining at the end of a run, you give ’em a hearty whack on their sunburned back and say, “Can you feel the burn?”
You have an easy way out, because you can say you meant the workout, not the sunburn. Your friend still might not be very happy with you.
7) “Did the ketchup bottle get away from you?”
Suddenly, you realize it’s just sunburn and profusely apologize for mistaking their face for a condiment. You do take a quick sniff to make sure it isn’t ketchup, though. You can salvage your friendship by saying they smell nice, but it would probably be more fun to say they smell off-brand.
8)”One time I burnt a meatloaf, but it didn’t look half as bad as you do right now.”
You drop the mic and walk off. You’ll never be friends again, but it was worth it for that line. After all, they didn’t have to get sunburned in the first place, right?