Lots of things in life are dry. Your face. My humor. The Dashing Galoot presses during the month of June. With a few exceptions, those things shouldn’t be. Consider how much better your life would be if you were rained on right now.
Either you entirely ignored my command to consider that, you scoffed at the absurdity of the statement, or you have read this article thirteen times because you love it so much. No matter what your situation is, I will give you five reasons why being rained on will make it better.
1. Your skin will shine like that of a well-oiled bodybuilder
As the clean, pure, rain streaks down your skin, the natural properties of water will make your skin light up like you just pumped thousands of pounds of iron. Although your hair will be flattened, your muscles will be bulging. This is scientifically unproven, but since drinking water is good for your skin, applying it directly must work even better.
2. It will quench your thirst to be pelted with small objects
Dodgeball has an endless appeal because people love to have small objects thrown at them. The same reason explains why people keep toddlers around. However, you won’t need to play dodgeball or have toddlers if you stand out in the rain. As the drops of water plummet towards you from clouds thousands of feet above, you will feel adrenaline surge through your body and your thirst to be mercilessly pounded will be satisfied.
3. You get to sarcastically answer lots of people
When you go out in the rain and get soaked, people will inevitably question why you do not have an umbrella or why you’re not wearing a rain jacket. Since you will be expecting these droll questions, you can have a list of witty responses at the ready, allowing you to seem very dashing.
- “I’m like a just-add-water grow toy. Standing in the rain is what makes my muscles so big.”
- “I just have to enjoy it when the clouds cry over my beauty.”
- “Even the rain falls for me, so I have to appreciate it.”
4. Other people start to question your sanity
When you have the opportunity to get out of the rain but instead choose to get drenched, it seems very illogical. Especially if they haven’t received the deep insights you are now getting. If you do this often enough, people will start to wonder if you have everything straight in your noggin. You’ll get a reputation for being an oddball (or even a galoot!).
Now, many people might think that a reputation like this is a bad thing, but they are dead wrong. It’s very useful.
When people start to expect the unexpected from you, you can no longer make ‘bad decisions’. Instead, you are just interesting. Or exciting. Or flabbergasting.
You gain leeway to do things that no person with a reputation for sanity would get away with. Standing in the rain is your first step to freedom!
5. You will become “One With Nature”
As the rain soaks into your clothes and hair, nature’s essence slowly becomes embedded in you. This doesn’t really change anything, since you’re just made up of food from nature anyways, but it feels good. Nature becomes your nature, if you know what I mean.
If you’ve ever had your hands in water for long enough, they shrivel up and prune. However, a little known fact is that rainwater enhances this effect, so that your whole body shrivels up and prunes. If you stand in rainwater long enough, you will shrivel up and disintegrate as your marrow joins with the ground.
It’s longer for some people than others. 70 years, or maybe 100. No peer-reviewed studies have been done on the topic yet.