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Are you Spunky or Punky?

  • Quizzes

Extravert or introvert? Cat lover or dog lover? Pig eater or pig-like eater? It’s tempting to categorize people into one thing or the other, but aren’t people more complex than binary options?

No. We’re just using the wrong ones.

Decades of psychological research has come to tell you that one of the most reliable personality tests is the OCEAN method, measuring Openness, Conscientiousness, Extraversion, Agreeableness, and Neuroticism. One hour of Galoot research is going to tell you they’re wrong.

Not because their test is bad. No, they’re wrong because I have a better one. There’s only one thing you need to know about someone to tell everything you need to know: Are they spunky or punky?

You are now asking, what does this mean, and how do you measure it? It’s good that you’re asking that, since those are the exact questions I want to answer.

First, you measure it by making an entirely subjective quiz. You ask questions that pretend to measure certain characteristics but select as the right answers only what applies to you yourself. This makes for an extremely scientific analysis.

Second: Someone who is spunky has all of the intangibles (and plenty of the tangerinables, those delicious orange fruits).

They don’t know the answer to everything, but they make you wish they did. They don’t jump off tall buildings because it’s not exciting enough for them. They don’t just catch busses; they thoroughly trounce them. They don’t butter bread – their bread comes pre-buttered. They sometimes lose, but only when they play against themselves. They don’t play sports, they are sports. It’s true that they’re not good at everything, but only because they’ve never tried impersonating chickens.

Is this you? Are you desperate to know?

Too bad, you’re going to have to keep reading. Perhaps you would rather know what the other end of the spectrum looks like: a punk.

Punks are anti-dashing. They’re galoots without the loot. They’ve never been to a party, because when they get there it becomes a study session. Studying fingernails. They don’t take busses because they ride their wagons. They don’t jump off tall buildings because they haven’t gotten tired of jumping off chairs yet. They don’t butter bread because they prefer it smashed into a ball. They think that 12th place in Mario Kart means you got both 1st and 2nd.

I desperately hope this is not you. There’s only one way to know. Click the button and take the quiz:

Dashing? Not? Say how you feel!

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