This Christmas my gift to you is the 12 Dashing Galoot articles of Christmas – one every day until the big day itself. Check the site every morning to be the first to read these semi-Christmas-themed pieces of nonsense!
I recently was introduced to a fantastic word: mog. While the dictionary definition of mogging is to amble around slowly, with the cool kids mogging means to flex how much stronger you are than someone else. Of course, this means that mogging is a very valuable skill for Dashing Galoots.
Dashing Galoot are neither quiet nor inconspicuous, and thus we must mog on others to show how much more dashing and galoot-like we are. However, it being the holidays and eggnog being amazing, I have made a recipe for you to help understand how to properly mog somebody.
Ingredients
- Biceps large enough to crush an Egg
- Eyes whiter than Whole Milk
- Smolder sweeter than Sugar
- Nutmeg, because one of the best ways to assert dominance is kicking a soccer ball between someone’s legs
- Heavy Cream (no metaphor here)
- Spike the EggMog with a real spike like this or this. This will really Mog them good
Directions
- Mix all the ingredients together to EggMog whoever you want to show what an amazing Dashing Galoot you are. Go up to your target and do your first Mog Move. This could be flexing on them by showing them how your toes are impervious to the cold, or by proving that you’ve mastered staying single.
- Check on your EggMog to see if it’s properly roasted. If not, put it back in the oven for a little while by mogging some more. Just saunter around the room, do some pushups, or come up with some eloquent insults.
- Take a sip of your EggMog to see if it tastes right. You can tell by the tears of awe streaming down the other person’s face and the cries they let out: “Please tell me, how are you so Dashing?!” If it doesn’t seem quite right, add more of any of the ingredients and try again.
- Savor your EggMog. It feels good to be a Dashing Galoot.
this is my favorite Christmas article thus far
😀
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